Wednesday, 13 November 2019

13th November 2019

234324n klm m\\\\\\\\\\\\

© Trinity the cat 2019

a little drier
the cat's tail twitching
garden pigeon

© Rachel Green 2019

Guilt and Regret
Schoolyard poems
to girls I fancied
sonnets and rhyming couplets
declarations of love
or at least the offer of it.
I thought I was Shakespeare,
Byron, Shelley, Keats.
Everything you could want
in a sensitive soul
with bus fare and a bicycle.
Forty years on
and I still cringe.

© Rachel Green 2019

Tuesday, 12 November 2019

12th November 2019

Wet again, and cold
the postman's fingers
scanning bar codes

© Rachel Green 2019

Guilt and Regret
Stewart's sister
gave us home made pillows
for our den
and I discovered they were stuffed
with old stockings
They felt so good
on my pre-teen legs
and my mother,
devout Catholic,
talked to the priest.

 © Rachel Green 2019

Monday, 11 November 2019

11th November 2019

Weetabix offer, 1970
wet and dreary
the cat yowling to use the bathroom
or be fed again

© Rachel Green 2019

Guilt and Regret

selling my Lego
when I was too young to realise
what an asset it was.
All those tokens Mum saved
off the Weetabix packets
for the magical castle
and the cars
and the other boxed sets
all gone in an instant
bargained away for two pounds
because I wanted something ephemeral
I can no longer remember.
Such a stupid kid I was
and still am.

© Rachel Green 2019

Sunday, 10 November 2019

10th November 2019

clear skies
letting the sunshine through
draughty windows

© Rachel Green 2019

Guilt and Regret

always questioning
why I wore women's clothes
if I wasn't gay.
That's okay, Karen,
I don't like you much, either,
but as my flatmate's girlfriend
we're stuck together
and honestly?
that rock chick persona
doesn't suit you at all.

 © Rachel Green 2019

Saturday, 9 November 2019

9th November 2019

hard frost
limning the snapdragons
peanut-eating wagtail

© Rachel Green 2019

Guilt and Regret

I can pinpoint
the exact moment
I realised Catholicism was bullshit.
Nicholson, deputy head
of my Catholic High School,
defined when a war
was a 'just' war
and defended the bombing of Dresden
and the Sack of Constantinople
as 'okay in God's book'
and I realised
what a load of crap that was.
and I abandoned religion for ever.

© Rachel Green 2019

Friday, 8 November 2019

8th November 2019

after the rain
water levels still rising
back yard pigeons

© Rachel Green 2019

Guilt and Regret
calling the hospital
at six o'clock at night.
"He's very poorly"
but I don't go.
It's two hours away
and a Thursday night
I have plans for the evening
and work tomorrow.
The call from my sister
forty minutes later:
"He's gone."
I should have made the effort
even though I wouldn't have got there
to see him still alive.
Sorry, Dad.

 © Rachel Green 2019

Thursday, 7 November 2019

7th November 2019

horrendous rain
sparrows darting from shelter
to grab seeds

© Rachel Green 2019

Guilt and Regret
The dog,
suffering from a dozen ailments
because I won't take her to the vet
because I can't afford it.
She bites off lumps
is slowly going blind
and deaf
and had blood in her urine.
Her heart's not the best, either,
and we couldn't afford the meds.
I thought yesterday
I'd have to put her down
but today she seems happy
and I feel ashamed,

© Rachel Green 2019