When the Dogs Bite

Thursday, 18 June 2026

18th June 2026

stand-up comedian

promised arresting officers

of nothing funny

I Have Never Seen an Angel

I can tell when you're about to die;

not far in advance;

an hour at most, or a minute more

because I see the demons waiting

like pigeons around a young boy

who hods a bag of corn in Trafalgar Square.

Like the boy

the demons are waiting for the body

to toss the soul in the air;

casting lots to see who tastes it first

and carries it to Hell.

I have never seen an angel.

Wednesday, 17 June 2026

17th June 2026

wheelchair defence:

try to run down the stairs

they can't follow

Louisiana Gothik

The stench of eggs

burned black on a lit stove

while four under-tens watch a cartoon dog

on a thirty-two inch telly.

The youngest is crying

because their mum is in the bathroom

with a locked door

and her boyfriend has driven away.

She's dead, of course;

a single gunshot to the head

at point-blank range

with her singed hair stuck to the muzzle

of a 'forty-five pistol

with tooled leather handgrip

when he fled from the scene.

Tuesday, 16 June 2026

16th June 2026

unwanted DMs

after I write a poem:

"be my dog"

After Rossetti

forget me fast when I am gone

and laid to rot in mother earth

just as I was upon my birth.

Below the gracious moon and sun.

Forget me fast and burn my work

It was not valued when I, alive,

would paint upon a canvas strive

to bring forth beauty from the murk.

It you would me recall at all

the let it be for I was kind

and saw the best in those of mind

and made some laugh with words well writ;

Better you live for yourself

than mourn a girl who didn't fit.

Monday, 15 June 2026

15th June 2026

Honeysuckle

sparks and buzzes when trimmed

oops

After Marlowe

Come live with me and be my dog

through woods and valleys we will slog

along the edge of farmer's fields

but leashed when sheep are in the weald.

I'll pick thy poop from where it lies

in earthen friendly bags with ties

and towel thee dry when thou art wet

and hold thy paw when at the vet.

And I will make thee comfy beds

and lock thee not in outside sheds

and never hurt thee with intent

and never charge thee any rent.

A morning meal of meat and rye

will set the up for walks in style

and homeward bound, I give thee ham

for thou lies patient as a lamb.

And evening meal, the same again

and daily treats just as and when

and if these promises thou move

come live with me and be my love.

Sunday, 14 June 2026

14th June 2026

genre binge

other people's Hell

films and novels

Sliding into My DMs

He sends a message

but it's a private one,

in reply to a public post

and it raises suspicion.

It's just a 'hello'

but if I reply, is that an invitation to intercourse?

I don't want to make friends,

I was just being helpful

on a community forum

and the tiny thumbnail of me

makes me look vaguely attractive

because you can't see the wrinkles.

I'm sure he's a lovely young man:

he tells me so himself,

three of four times a day

but the only time I like to put my arm around a man

is to choke him from behind.

Saturday, 13 June 2026

13th June 2026

A&E

five hours of waiting

bird song

Bow (Wow Wow)

"There's something going on," he says,

his clipped English softened by the soft hills

of Derbyshire's rolling landscape

and I look out and yes,

there a people in the street

standing outside their houses.

I join the neighbours and ask

the funeral procession for a local lad

is due to pass at ten A.M.

We watch the hearse pass by,

an undertaker walking ahead to stop the traffic;

the children at the infant's school

all waving goodbye

and the neighbour cries

because his dog has just died, too.

Friday, 12 June 2026

12th June 2026

morning face licks

three hours of sleep

brings dogwalk time

Sign O' the Times

We don't ask what is wrong?

We ask "how are you?"

and expect the answer 'Fine, thanks.'

It is considered impolite

to say 'no,' and detail the pain

in all your left diodes,

and at two A.M.

when a woman walks into A&E

with a serious head wound

and her boyfriend says 'she fell over,'

everyone immediately checks his knuckles.