When the Dogs Bite

Wednesday, 29 July 2026

29th July 2026

weight gain

only half a pound

still a kicker

free range eggs

often misleading

my general go-to boxed eggs

claim free range but they're not:

the number stamped on them is 2

which means barn raised

with a peephole to the outside.

1 means free range but penned in

and 0 is proper back garden free range.

lets not talk about 3

because that's 'enhanced cage'

meaning that's a perch

in a cage the size of an i-pad

and should be banned in England.

Tuesday, 28 July 2026

28th July 2026

dieting

breaking one habit at a time.

Cheese...bread...

five years, I wasted at art school;

not because it was art school

but because I had access

to free, all-day life models

and I could have been an awful lot better

than I am now.

My advice to artists:

draw the figure; every chance you get

and rejoice.

Monday, 27 July 2026

27th July 2026

fat free yoghurt

With a spoonful of red jam

stomach ache

I’m offered a free costume

to try out and review

an adult pirate's costume.

It might be okay for kids

to dress up as the bad guys:

I've seen young Darth Vaders,

vampires, werewolves;

supervillains were the rage when I was a kid:

Harley Quinn, The Joker and so on,

but as an adult? No.

There's nothing romantic about pirates:

bloodthirsty bastards who would cut your throat

for the small change in your pocket.

If I wanted to be a pirate

I'd just wait outside Sainsburys

and stab the first person with a full trolley

and take off in their Volvo estate.

Sunday, 26 July 2026

26th July 2026

morning rain

unnoticed and brief

gone with the sun

Fly Trap

my old one died;

the fan sucking in the nightcrawlers;

the gnats and mosquitoes--

clattering to wake the dead.

thus another

this one cheap enough

but without the sucking fan

and woke me in the night

with BANG! CRACKLE! HISS! BANG!

and the stink of burning carapace

until the dogs ran in terror

while I thought the local substation had exploded

and the house would catch fire.

I sent it back. Please

may I have a refund?

Saturday, 25 July 2026

25th July 2026

loud crackles

and the stink of burning insect

terrified dogs

Poison Garden

I still grow nightshade;

hemlock, monk's hood --

though my angel toadstools never grew

and I pull out the ivy before the dogs lie.

My cuckoo pints are spreading slowly

ladies in the spring, red shirted soldiers in the autumn

and my scattered seeds of foxgloves

are beloved by the bees.

Friday, 24 July 2026

24th July 2026

grassy field

mown by council tractor

slaughtered mice

Trumpet Count

one for the lesions

two for the pain

three to lose a life

four to gain.

five for hunger

six for worth

seven for a charnel house

dug from the earth.

eight for the righteous

nine for the proud

ten for the penitent

lost in the crowd.

Thursday, 23 July 2026

23rd July 2026

blind girl

treading blood-soaked carpet

her murdered mother

Pale Rider

through fuliginous streets he plots

one hoof, then the next;

it matters not when he gets there

for always his arrival is at the end

when hope has faded and blood

stains the rumpled sheets,

piss and shit attracting flies

who always know that death approaches

before the angels even care.

once, she dreamed of lofty towers

but seems fate had other destinies.

Wednesday, 22 July 2026

22nd July 2026

woken at five

by two excited puppers

who sleep all day

Tightly Permed Hair

I tried to foster the relationship

I once had with my mother

but she died when I was a child

but mostly I remember her fur coat

and her tiny hands clutching mine

as she half walked, half dragged me to church

on a Sunday morning

when what I really wanted

was a bacon sandwich in bed

like she made for my dad.

Perhaps I grew up resenting God

because I was denied bacon.

Tuesday, 21 July 2026

21st July 2026

Widget is confused

at her fresh pint of water

my breakfast dogmeat

Matthew Ponomarenko

killed his son with a baseball bat

hitting him so many times

there was no head left on his six-year old body

because the voices made him do it.

His family all support him

because they believe in God

and the voices were the devil.

Besides, the kid was autistic

and better off in the ground.

Monday, 20 July 2026

20th July 2026

2 AM trio

poking around number 84

police jacket immunity

The Colour of Desire

that shade of sage green

evoking the wallpaper

of 1920s Bohemia.

I mix it accidentally

with just a splash of gold

veining like marble.

How I wish I could sit

with Vita Sackville-West

as she takes afternoon tea

with Virginia Woolf

Sunday, 19 July 2026

19th July 2026

my father's advice:

"Always put a rubber on it."

suffocated husband.

Roasted Grounds

we do what we can

to conform to society's mores

but the ache in my belly

belies the nausea I feel.

I'm getting used to bad coffee

cheap creamer, budget brands;

no longer the espresso with a drop of cream

which makes my belly balloon.

Will I care so much

about appearances when I'm blind?

Or will physical strength and fitness

power me into the grave?

Saturday, 18 July 2026

18th July 2026

earwig on my arm

its belief in teleportation

when it's taken outside

On Not Passing

passing a bottle of country wine

to the brothers across the road

(a neighbourly gift)

and the one says 'thank you'

and the other: 'you're a gentleman'

I bloody hope not:

it was removed thirty years ago

and a pretty well certain

it doesn't grow back.

Friday, 17 July 2026

17th July 2026

uploading

Amazon goods to loft space

heavy load

Kissing

Chatsworth car park

at two in the morning

kissing...

and more than kissing...

with a married woman

who sneaked out of her house

when dearest hubby was asleep;

and a sudden flurry of panicked activity

when the headlights of a police car

appears through the gate.

Thursday, 16 July 2026

16th July 2026

bumble bee

climbing across my fingers

looking for food

Hissing Gate

there was a kissing gate

between the Anglican St Lawrence's

and the long, overgrown walkway

to the Catholic St Mary's.

It was not for kissing:

no fornication on church grounds

because God is always watching

and probably filming, too.

Nor was it to stop livestock escaping

through carelessly open gates

for the dogs could slip through it

and the cows had a different god.

It was there because the Revd. James

was a spiteful old bugger

and installed it to stop Father Timothy

from cycling through the churchyard.

Wednesday, 15 July 2026

15th July 2026

early training

but the academy is closed

Tesco shop

Drury Lane Motors

I don't know the Muffin man

but his phone number was in the book

This was the seventies

where phone numbers came in free tomes

that would start a year's fires.

I asked for four muffins

for my mother's birthday

and he told me to try the supermarket

because he was car mechanic.

Tuesday, 14 July 2026

14th July 2026

Walton Dam

Dog walking with a friend

It seems I have one!

Romantic Frisson

night sky

awash with pinpricks of light

after the evening glow has faded

and a shower of streaking meteors

as the space station falls.

At seventeen minutes to midnight

a child comes into the world

under the zodiac sign of Starlink.

Monday, 13 July 2026

13th July 2026

rewatching horror movies

after reading the explanation

quite rewarding

On Following the advice of Nursery Rhymes

who the fuck

sets a baby's cradle

at the top of a tree?

Oh! You thought it would send him to sleep?

It's blowing a fucking gale

no wonder he's crying.

And now there's some fucking Gremlin

sawing away at the branch

like it's lumberjack day at the funny farm.

Oh look! He's fallen

through the roof of the greenhouse

like a tiny Rod Hull.

At least the branch will give you planks

to make a tiny coffin.

I bet you're an antivaccer.

I'm calling Social Services

Sunday, 12 July 2026

12th July 2026

watching Hellraiser

women with 80s hair

real horror

Bluebirds

someone I don't know

made entirely of wasted semen

claimed I looked like Rod Hull

Maybe it was a complement

maybe it was supposed to be insulting

but it was in interesting take.

So I filmed myself with my hand

rammed up a demon's arse

because I don't have a male bird

Because if I was Rod Hull

I would have instead

a massive blue cock

Saturday, 11 July 2026

11th July 2026

baking powder

and cold porridge

dietary aid

American Sonnet

I think of you, and with my blade I dig

into your eyes (but still avoid the brain)

for I would have you suffer for your double gig

as money-grabbing president again.

I want to flay the flesh from living bones

reminding you of selfish policies

that reap rewards for you and you alone

and highlight your hypocrisies.

Then bleed thee dry, the way you have the land

and folk who trusted you with power

and find themselves with empty hand

while you increase your fortunes by the hour.

But I, of course, will do none of these things

for thoughts are legal, still, for commoners and kings.