Past Love
In the midst of
indignation
she finds regret for
the man he might have been
if she'd stayed with
him.
One more day might have
made a difference;
he might have stopped
drinking, drugging;
stopped picking fights
stopped assuming he
always knew better than she did
when she was the one
with the education,
the GCSEs and the
determination
to put herself through
college with no help
from a father more
absent in alcohol
than her mother ever
was having died.
At least she could talk
to a grave.
Her exes spout vitriol
when all they need
is an ounce of
contrition;
a “sorry I was
such a dick to you”
or
a recognition that they'll try to do better
to
treat the person who loves them
with
a little more consideration
than
they treated you
but
nine times out of eleven
they
think the problem was all her
and
she was “probably a lesbian, anyway”
but
she has news for him: she isn't
although
she's pretty sure there must be a name
for
someone who falls in love with misogynists.
In
the midst of regret for the man he might have been
she
finds hope in the man he might be;
the
faithful husband, the doting father,
the
considerate lover or the confident socialite
but
the quickie in the disabled toilet
where
he leaves her unsatisfied and more then grateful
she
had her own condoms handy
convinces
her he's still an asshole and besides,
he
got stains on her bridesmaid's dress.
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