Thursday, 18 February 2016

Poem 2016 / 25

Gula

I eat when I'm depressed
it gives me a moment of solace
when I can think about joy
the pleasure of eating;
the pleasure of taste
then the guilt
and the weight gain
which brings depression again.

I used to be active
dropped all the weight I'd put on
developed muscles where I never had before
fighting fit, as they say,
but money became scarcer
and criticism was levelled
at old ladies beating young girls
for beribboned golden brass
so I gave up
because it hurt too much
inside.

I wish I could smoke again.
A filthy habit
but it stopped me eating
I used to be thin.

My kingdom for a smoke
but I don't have a kingdom
just a black, black dog.

2 comments:

Stephanie Wright said...

*hugs*

Well done.

Though I have never been "fighting fit" I feel this keenly. I'd love to smoke again (and be thin again). Ageism is a bitch of a thing.

Rachel Green said...

It is. Still... new diet.